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Random thoughts about Nikon and their equipment
Updated Nikon User FAQ
It's been awhile since I've updated the frequently asked questions (FAQ) sections of my Web site, so I thought I'd take a whack at fixing that problem by answering some of the most recent questions that popped up in my In box. Be sure to read all the way to the end.
What's the difference between the 50mm f/1.8D and the 50mm f/1.4G?
0.4 and US$310.
Which of my lens(es) should I take to Yellowstone?
All of them. The Law of Photographic Opportunity states that you'll always need the one thing you forgot to bring.
Should I get the 16-35mm, the 17-35mm, or the 14-24mm?
Most pros own all of these and several more lenses, as well. So if you want to be a pro, you'll have to buy them all. Amateurs can get away with buying only one. But see Law of Photographic Opportunity, above.
Why can't Nikon make a stable tripod collar?
They do, but they only give them out to photographers they like. The rest of us have to use the flimsy collars that come with the lenses at retail. I've heard that if you complain really loudly Nikon will send you a replacement collar that works. I recently bought a megaphone for such situations.
Where's the 80-400mm replacement?
Apparently the design was misplaced and accidentally sent to the wrong Nikon plant, one that usually makes sunglasses. Because that plant had never made big telephoto lenses before, they've been scrambling to try to figure out how to adapt all their tools and processes to elements that are 77mm or larger. This takes time.
Will there be a D900?
That wasn't helpful. When will there be a D900?
Sometime after the D700 and before the D950.
You're still not being helpful. Will there be a D900 this year?
Yes, but it may still only be in certain offices in certain Nikon buildings in Japan. If you really need a D900 quickly, Stickers Emporium is now selling D900 stickers that you can put on your current camera, thus fooling your clients into thinking that you're state-of-the-art.
Should I buy a third party lens for my Nikon body?
Certainly. Almost every Nikon user tries this at some point in their career. It's sort of like entering the lottery: you might get a real winner or you might get something that looks like it never went through any QA testing. I'm told not to buy any lenses made on Mondays, during the month of January when the factory wasn't heated, or any lens built just before quitting time when the workers are thinking mostly of what sushi they want for dinner.
Is there a better set of lenses for FX shooters than the 14-24mm, 24-70mm, and 70-200mm?
No. If you'd just buy those lenses you'd stop asking such silly questions about lenses.
Why does my 18-200mm not seem like it gets to 200mm?
It probably doesn't. Superzooms have to rest every now and then otherwise they lose their super powers. They've chosen to rest whenever you focus closer than infinity.
Can I use a teleconverter on my 16-35mm f/4?
Yes. Let us know how useful a 32-70mm f/8 lens that is unsharp is when you're done.
Which filter should I buy to protect my new lens?
An insurance policy.
No, I mean what UV filter?
Your skin needs a UV filter more than your lens does. I particularly like Blue Lizard suntan lotion, since the bottle turns blue when exposed to UV, which is cool. Not too greasy and withstands some water immersion.
Stop kidding around. I need a filter to protect the front of my lens, what should I get?
If you're serious about getting a protective filter I suggest you go to your local camera store, find the salesperson with the least experience, and ask them. They'll know what to sell you.
Why won't NikonUSA repair gray market products?
They are unable to repair gray products because all they have are black parts. The result of putting black parts on a gray camera product looks a lot like your brother-in-law's 1968 Datsun pickup. You wouldn't want that anyway.
When should I use VR? When should I turn it off?
If the camper is a rockin' then don't come a knockin', just use VR.
Are Nikon's warranties transferrable?
I've tried ironing them on several different t-shirt fabrics, but so far have not had any success.
My new lens seems to back focus with my camera. What should I do?
Have your subject face away from you. Focus on their back. Now tell them to turn around. Take your picture.
Why is Nikon always so far behind Canon?
N comes after C in the alphabet. When new technologies get invented, they're sent out to companies in alphabetical order. That's why Apple is always inventing new categories of products.
I just dropped my new lens in the ocean, what should I do?
Don't go in after it, the ocean is too dangerous. I suggest that next time you use a protective filter.
Is it true that bigger is better when it comes to sensors?
No. They only say that so they can charge more for those cameras.
I read on another site that film cameras are still better than digital ones. Is that true?
It is on the other site, but not on this one.
Do I really need to shoot NEF? Isn't JPEG good enough?
If you have to ask, you need to shoot NEF because you're not confident enough to actually get all the camera settings right, which you'd have to do for JPEG.
Which Color Space should I use, sRGB or AdobeRGB?
Since you're not confident enough to shoot JPEG (see above), it doesn't matter. Your raw converter will determine the Color Space for you based upon whatever random value you've managed to set it to.
How come my prints don't look like what I see on my camera's LCD?
Because they're bigger than 3" (or 2.5" or 1.8" or whatever size your camera's LCD is), use more dots that 640x480 (or worse on some LCDs), and your raw converter is set to a random Color Space (see above). Also, COSTCO ran out of red ink last week.
How should I store my camera?
Place it on eBay. By the time you need a camera again, there will be better cameras available.
Okay, you've read this far and probably want to know what the real answers to those questions are, not the April Fool's version. If so, click here. If you wish to just get back to the normal bythom site, click here.